Remembering

"Let Adversity Make You A Better Person"

Whenever there is an “event” of any kind, it is different for each person that is involved.  Each person remembers what they were doing at the moment of the event and their feelings during and after the event, and then how it affected them.  So, even though it was the very same event, there could be millions of different ways that same event could be told….or remembered.

Today marks one of those “events” in my life and in the life of my family and friends.  It sort of seems like there was life before “the accident” and after “the accident”.  

In my opinion, all major events need to have some history in order for the reader to know why it touched or affected a person the way that it did.  So I will take this time to reminisce a bit, I suppose.

In the mid-1990’s our family was involved in the Cowboy Poets of Idaho, which were a group ranging from ranchers and farmers in their 80’s to youngsters, like my kids, who had regular every day jobs, but also liked to perform Cowboy Poems and Music and would gather together as often as time would permit at what we called Cowboy Poetry Gatherings and perform for each other and for others who wanted to listen.  Those who met together often became very close friends, often closer than family in many cases.  It use to be a joke that everyone would tell that the Gatherings were like Family Reunions only everybody liked each other.

There was one such couple, Colen and Ruth Sweeten that we became very close friends with.  Colen performed poetry and at times he would have his grand-daughter, Jenny Isom, perform with him.  She sang and played her flute.  I think she was about 14 when we first saw her perform.  I remember one song she did was “Grand-Dad’s Wooden Chain” while Colen would sit and whittle a wooden chain.  

It was at a gathering in Salmon, Idaho that we performed at (Jeff on guitar and vocals, Ryan on the bass guitar, Tom on the fiddle, Bobby and on vocals), that Jenny and Ryan “sort of” became good friends.  But not only that, I met her Mom, Jan, and we became good friends too.  Their family lived in Idaho Falls.  There was the Dad, Chuck, their older son, Blake, and two younger sons, Shane, who was Tom’s age, and Daniel, who was Bobby’s age.  It was then that our family friendship began.  

As time went on, we would spend many evenings or weekends together as families, celebrating holidays or just playing board games.  The boys got along so good together and yes, so did Ryan and Jenny.  Jan and Jenny started singing together at some of the gatherings and they would come over to the house about once a week and we would help them practice.  The boys would play the music for them.  I sang a couple of songs with them.  We were all just goofy and happy together.  We traveled to the gatherings together also.

Well, with all of that in mind…..jump ahead……there was a Cowboy Poetry Gathering coming up in Emmett, Idaho scheduled for October 18^th and 19^th, 2002.  Ryan and I had decided not to go, but Jeff, Tom and Bob drove across the state for the 2 day event, to perform.  I know now, looking backwards, there was definitely divine intervention in me staying behind.

It was Saturday, the 19^th, around noon, Colen Sweeten called me.  This was quite unusual.  I knew that Ruth had been sick and in the hospital, so I was afraid something had gone wrong there.  But nothing ever could have prepared me for what came next.  He told me that the Isom’s had been in a head on collision that morning.  Hit by a drunk driver.  Chuck, Jan, and Jenny had all been killed.  Shane and Daniel were in critical condition in the Idaho Falls hospital.  

Even now, the tears are rolling down my face and my chest is shaking with sobs as I remember how horrible that felt.  Ryan had gone to town with a friend and I knew that I had to tell him what had happened.  He had taken my cell phone and I called him to have him come home.  I called Jeff in Emmett and ended up telling him right before they were getting ready to perform.  I don’t know how they went out on that stage and performed after hearing that news.  That was so hard for them.  I remember watching the news that night and seeing the mangled Astro Van they had been driving.  

Jeff and the boys got home about 3 in the morning.  The next day we all went down to the Idaho Falls hospital and met with the family.  Blake and Mindy, his wife, were there, and then several of both of the families were there.  They really didn’t know if Shane or Daniel would make it.  Especially Daniel.  They were banged up pretty bad.  I remember Blake and Ryan just holding each other and crying.  It was heartbreaking.

The following Monday, the 21^st, Ryan had scheduled for back surgery in the Idaho Falls hospital.  I drove him down about 5 in the morning.  It was still dark out and the song came on “Somewhere Out There”.  I felt like Jenny was singing to Ryan that it was ok.  I didn’t say anything.  I don’t know what he was thinking.  But I just kept driving and crying.  

During the week-long stay in the hospital I kept hearing Jan’s voice, constantly saying to me “check on Shane and Daniel.  Shane and Daniel.  Shane and Daniel.”  I can almost still hear it today.  It was constantly in my ears.  The family was very busy getting ready for the funerals and everything and it was tough for them to be everywhere all at once.  So, I would sit with Ryan for awhile, and then I would go sit with Shane for awhile, then with Daniel for awhile.  Sometimes they knew I was there.  Sometimes they didn’t.  I felt like they were my own little boys just fighting for their lives.

Ryan was released from the hospital on Friday, the day before the funeral and we went over to the funeral home to spend some time.  Jenny was dressed in the beautiful white dress that she wore to the prom with Ryan earlier that year.  Chuck and Jan were dressed in their Temple clothes.  

Many things have happened between then and now.  So many lives were changed on that day, when a thoughtless person chose to get behind the wheel of a car when he was drunk.  It doesn’t just affect one person, or one family, but hundreds of people were affected that day and for years and years to come.  But hopefully we can all look back and be able to say that we were privileged to know some very special people that traveled this earth for a very short time.    Colen and Ruth have since gone on to join them on the other side now too.  Their boys still do wonderful things on this side of the veil, while they do wonderful things on the other side of the veil.  I have been able to become very close with Jan’s family and feel like they are my siblings.  I cherish those friendships beyond measure!

This was written as part of a tribute to Chuck, Jan, and Jennifer by Jeff at the Malad, Idaho Cowboy Poetry Gathering in 2003:  In the course of life and our dealings with other people, the best that we can do is to find friendships that are lasting and deep.  True friendships do not end when we give up this mortal frame, but continue in the Eternities.  I know that day will come when we will again embrace our friends Chuck, Jan, and Jenny, face to face, and then we will understand true happiness—When we can pull out the board games and play all night long.

Oh my friends, I miss you so much as my thoughts are turned to you today.  Just know that you are missed!  

Tom did a project for his Drugs of Use and Abuse class and put together a video that he posted:  Drunk Driving--Tom Muench Project

Until next time.  Becky