An Explanation....I Suppose

"Let Adversity Make You A Better Person"

Well, I guess I brought it on myself by making myself all "public" and everything.  I really kind of liked the hermit lifestyle, living in hibernation and all, but then it was suggested that I make a "blog"(still have a rough time with that word...heh), and then sin of all sins for me, I went public on FACEBOOK.  I still can't believe that I open myself up every day to the whole world.  I have really been quite a recluse this past several years.  So...that brings me to the purpose of this "post".

I guess I have said a few things and I guess people have ask a few questions, so the word has kind of gotten out there that well, somethings not quite right with me.  Well, for those of you have known me forever, you knew all along that there was something wrong...heh!  I was just able to mask it to the rest of the world.  Right?  I have a hard time opening up and telling the world what is "really wrong" with me, but maybe it's best to do it this way, rather than have the speculations.  So hear goes....I will try!

To begin with I must give a little history of my life I suppose.  I had always been very active, physically.  I was married when I was 21 and I had 4 boys and 2 miscarriages by the time I was 28.  That took it's toll on me a little, but after our first son was born I found it boring just being a "stay-at-home Mom", so I felt like I needed to do more to help support the family.  I went looking for work.  We moved into an apartment complex in Rexburg where we managed 20 units and 100 college girls for about 3 years, then to another complex that had 60 units and 360 college girls for 2 years and then back to the other complex for another 5 years.  Besides the "managing" part, I did most of the cleaning of the apartments also.

After 10 years of that, we bought a real "fixer upper" home and moved out of town and I had to get a job to help with the payments.  I was able to secure a job at the new Wal-Mart that was coming into town and after 3 months was given the job of Personnel Manager there.  I worked there for 5-1/2 years.  It was while I was working at Wal-Mart that I started having some health issues.  I called them my "spells".  I went to several doctors and no one could tell me what was going on.  I kept track of my "spells"... times, foods I ate, activities, etc. and there was no rhyme or reason to them.  They would leave me very tired, sick, terrible headache, lethargic, etc.  I just learned to live with them.

Jeff was a printer and worked for the Idaho Falls School District and then the Standard Journal Newspaper in town and also run a printing business out of our home.  When I left Wal-Mart I helped out with the printing business and it was really nice to be home with the boys.  I worked hard on the house and the property that we had and we tried to fix things up during that time.  It was nice that I wasn't on such a strict schedule so that when I had my "spells" I was able to just be home and take care of myself.

After being home for 2 years, Jeff was laid off of work and so I started looking for a job.  I was hired part time at Ricks College in the fall of 1999 as a secretary to one of the Administrative Vice Presidents and within about 6 months I was able to be full time.  I went from answering phones to putting the catalog together, helping with the change over from a 2 year college to a 4 year University, working with the curriculum, coordinating the student travel, scheduling rooms on campus, dealing with professor contracts, and a plethora of other duties.  I loved my job!  It was really busy but I loved the people I worked with and it made me stretch myself.  The benefits were awesome and I could see myself working there for the rest of my life.

In September of 2003 I woke up about 3 am and Jeff was at my side.  I ask him what was up and he said that I had just had a grand mal seizure.  It about scared him to death.  I don't remember any of it.  I had a hard time remembering what day it was and what I had done the day before.  I had about bit my tongue off and as the day wore on my entire body felt like I had worked it really hard because all of my muscles had tightened up during the seizure. 

They did some tests, an MRI for MS and a few other things, but sort of dismissed it as a fluke.  I took a few days off of work.  The day I went back to work I remember looking at my pile of things I needed to do and thinking "oh my, what do I do with these?"  I would move them from one place to the other on my desk and then back again not knowing what to do with them. Then slowly I remembered how to do something, and eventually things came back. 

I started seeing a Neurologist in Idaho Falls and we started tests, EEG's and such, and we started trying different medications.  It was then that I learned that my "spells" had actually been mini seizures.  It was very clear to the doctors what they were now.  I continued to have the mini seizures.

In November of that same year, 3 months later, I woke up about 3 or 4 in the morning with Jeff at my side and I had had another grand mal seizure.  My Neurologist decided to send me to Salt Lake to the University of Utah to a Neurologist to try to help me, since he didn't seem to be able to.  I went through more tests down there, and tried more medications.  And once again, I went through the process of trying to remember how to do my job again. 

Things seemed to get better and I thought that finally I was going to have this thing under control when I finally hit the year mark since I had had a grand mal seizure.  But in March of 2005 I woke up and Jeff said that I had had 3 grand mal seizures already.  I was very sick and then later I had another, making it 4 in one night.  I lost a big part of my memory at that time and had to be away from work for quite awhile.  They found someone to replace me temporarily and then I got a letter saying they would have to replace me permanently.  That was a huge blow.  What a sad, sad day that was for me.  I loved my job.

Well, the last 5 years I have been on disability.  I lost my privileges of driving and working.  I have had so many tests that are very invasive.  Scary tests.  They would really like to do brain surgery to remove the area that is causing the seizures, but that to me is very scary!  At least now I know what I can and can't do.  The medications that I am on now do not completely control my mini seizures, but I have not had a grand mal seizure in over 2 years.  There are many side effects of the medications, one being osteo arthritis which is probably the hardest one for me to get use to since I can't get out and do all the things that I use to love to do.  But I try to keep myself busy and I take life one day at a time.  I never know what the day will bring and I can't plan too far in advance.  I celebrate the good days and try to accomplish something, "anything" on the bad days.

So, on my first blog post I wrote that "Let Adversity Make You A Better Person".  It has been through this whole experience that I have learned much, and am still learning.  It is a process and I don't think we ever stop the learning.  Someday we will know the "why" in our experiences, but for now we must just work through the experiences and try to make the best of them and maybe we can help someone else along the road. 

Until next time!  Becky

You Just Never Know

"Let Adversity Make You A Better Person"

It's 2 o'clock in the morning and I've been awake for about about half an hour just thinking.  My eyes are burning from crying.  Last night I got a phone call from a friend of mine.  I hadn't heard from her in awhile.  She said, "You have been on my mind alot lately.  I really felt like I needed to call you.  I didn't know if I needed to tell you something or you needed to tell me something."  I said, "What's going on?"  She said, "I have breast cancer."

She's known since April, it has spread into her lymph glands, she has had surgery and she has been through several chemo treatments so far.  She will have one more chemo treatment then radiation, then more chemo treatments.

It's not unusual that I wouldn't know.  We do live close, within about 3 miles, but our paths don't cross that often.  But we became very close friends about 25 years ago.  We spent many hours a day either with each other, walking together, or talking on the phone, at that time of our lives.  We were pregnant with our sons at the same time of our lives about 23 years ago.

As I have been laying here thinking, with that 10 years of our lives flashing through my mind, I am wondering what the statistics are for cancer rates?  One in how many?  Then I think back on the people in my life that I have known that have had cancer...there are alot and as of yet, most have survived.  My Dad has survived colon, liver, lymph cancer from almost 30 years ago when the odds were really stacked against him.  A friend I grew up with as a child is a breast cancer survivor of many years.  My Mom is a survivor of thyroid cancer of many years and then just went through chemo treatments this past year for lymphoma that had spread through a large portion of her body, and she is now in remission.  My daughter-in-law has come through thyroid cancer and two surgeries this past year and is a survivor.

I suppose a person could die from other causes IF it were their time to go, but boy, I don't know, when you hear that word "cancer" something just rings a really loud bell in your head that "hurts".

To my friend right now.....hang in there.  I don't know why you are the one that is having to deal with this, but you have been chosen.  Maybe it's because He knows that you can handle it.  My love, my thoughts, my prayers go out to you and your family.  Bless you!

May we all be a little more understanding of those less fortunate than ourselves.

Until next time!  Becky

Labor Day

"Let Adversity Make You A Better Person"

 I've often wondered if anyone really "celebrates" Labor Day for the purpose that it was made a holiday.  For many years I wondered what the Labor Day holiday really was.  Did someone get together and think that Mom's needed a holiday for all the many hours that they "labored" bringing all the children into the world?  NOT!  I think that holiday is Mother's Day.  For some reason Labor Day just seems to be the last holiday of the summer when everybody tries to go camping, or you take the day to go to the Eastern Idaho State Fair, or something like that.  It just never seemed to me like there was a "meaning" behind it.  But, I do believe that it is given to all those of you/us who have "labored" all our days in putting food on the table, in providing for our families, and in providing jobs for others. Maybe I have it wrong.  If I do, then oh well, that's what I thought about this year and I am indeed grateful for my ancestors who worked hard to make this land free, and to those ancestors who worked hard to take sage brush and turn it into good farming and ranching ground.  I'm grateful for a Mom and Dad who worked hard to put food on the table and clothes on my back and especially because they taught me how to work and to provide for myself and for my family.  I guess, to me, that's what Labor Day is all about Charlie Brown.........

Anyway, so, we took the weekend and Ryan, Jenni and Nicole came up from Oregon and we went camping.  Ben, Amy, and Kaybrie came down from Idaho Falls and Grandma and Grandpa Beard even came down from Teton Valley for a little while to spend some time with us.  It was an awesome "end" to a good, short but good, summer.  There's nothing I would have wanted more than to spend the weekend with my family.

THERE WAS PLAYING IN THE WATER AND SAND......

Tom got Ryan with a bucket full of water while Nicole and Bobby watched.

Nicole enjoying the cooooooooooold water...how does she do that?

Nicole...or is this a mermaid?

"The Boys" decided to race over to the little island.  The water was freezing cold.  This is Jeff, Ryan, Tom & Bobby

I think Bobby won the race.  From this distance they look like a bunch of studs....right?  Heh

BACK AT CAMP EVERYONE IS SO EXCITED TO SEE EACHOTHER........

Nicole and Kaybrie are so happy to see each other again!!!!

There are hugs and kisses all around...Ben, Kaybrie, Nicole, Amy, and Jenni

Grandpa Jeff and Nicole

Nicole and Uncle Bobby

Nicole and Uncle Tom

Grandma and Grandpa Beard(Dorlene and Virgil) came to spend time with us.  They were happy to see all of us and we were happy to see them.....

WE CELEBRATED BEN AND DAD/JEFF'S BIRTHDAY'S......

Ryan gave Dad/Jeff and Ben each a fishing creel.

 ...And some other fishing gear...water proof gloves.......

But, of course, they found other uses for the gifts too!

THERE WAS EATING AND VISITING AND JUST PLAIN, HAVING FUN.....

Bobby

Jeff and Ryan

Ryan, Bobby, and Tom

Ben and Ryan--(Ben is holding Amy's yummy dessert treats!!!!)

Sweet daughters-in-law, Jenni and Amy

Tom and Kimberly Rodrigues enjoying the yummy hamburgers!

Jenni Hollinger Muench--happy to be here--and we are definitely happy that she is here!

Bobby and Amy Adams Muench--enjoying something "cool" to drink and some relaxation!

Well, it's hard to get these four together and not have one or all of them making a face.  This is about as good as it gets.  I'm just so excited that I had them all together.  It was an awesome, awesome day!!!!!  Ryan, Bobby, Tom, and Ben(and Ben isn't the one making the faces in this picture...heh!)

Ryan and Jenni's little precious one....Nicole Faith Muench

Kaybrie and Nicole are putting on a show of dancing for us

Look out!  Jenni's got a gun and she knows how to use it.  Is that a grimace Ryan?  Good thing it's just a BB gun.  We had fun shooting pop cans and water bottles.

Ben and Amy's beautiful little Kaybrie June Muench

Everyone enjoying grilled hamburgers and granny's(that's me) famous macaroni salad.  Nicole, Tom, Jeff, Ryan's back, Bobby, and Jenni.

Ryan...I love your new hat!  It's a new look for you!  Thumbs up!

I don't think the sun was too bright, I think Nicole was just trying to look "cool" with Uncle Tom's sunglasses.  I think she looks awesome!

You two must be related, you look just alike.
Beautiful girls...Amy and Kaybrie Muench

Nicole got a new sleeping bag just for this camping trip.
She's so excited and ready for bed!

THE NEXT DAY THE WIND STARTED BLOWING REALLY, REALLY HARD SO EVERYONE HEADED FOR OUR HOUSE.........

Nicole is playing a serenade on Tom's violin before everyone goes to sleep.

The weekend was wonderful and it was great to have everyone there and together again.  It went way too fast and it will probably be at least Christmas time before we can all get together again.  But we need to cherish these wonderful moments when we are able to spend time together and laugh and play and get to know each other better.

Until next time!  Becky

Critters

"Let Adversity Make You A Better Person"

Do you ever wonder what comes lurking around your house at night when you are sleeping?  When you wake up in the morning and go out to feed the cats and you think "boy, they must have been hungry, they ate all the food I gave them yesterday", well, you might want to think again.

About a month ago, this little (well, pretty good sized) critter came creeping around our place just as it was getting dark.  He bee-lined it right for the back of the house where we feed the cats, so I knew that he had done this before.  The cats just kind of stood back and watched.  He really wasn't afraid of us, but from what I hear now, we should have been a little more afraid of him.  I guess they can be pretty ornery little critters if confronted. 

I also have a picture of a skunk that Bobby saw out there eating the cat food last week but I couldn't get it to upload.

Well, guess we'll just have to start feeding the cats in the early mornings and make sure there's not a lot left as the night closes in.  I definitely don't want all the critters ganging up on us and holding us hostage in our home at night.  Heh!  Now, have sweet dreams! 

Until next time.  Becky