Becky M's Place: January 2011

"Let Adversity Make You A Better Person"

I figured it was about time that I made myself sit down and write a little something for my blog. I don’t know where the past couple of months have gone. I look back and just sort of see a blur. But here we are almost the end of January and have survived about half of the winter already. Most of all, I’ve learned a lesson or two about retirement. Heh! It probably won’t be awhile until that actually comes to pass, but with Jeff’s back surgery and his being home for the past three and a half months, we have both had a taste of what it might be like when “one” retires.

I’ve heard in the past, of grand stories when folks retire and are able to travel and do all sorts of things they were never able to do when they were working. Some folks are able to get involved in hobbies and just spend more time at home doing those sorts of things. But one thing that both Jeff and I have possibly been able to get a glimpse of during this time, is that once you retire…..the two of you are going to be together pretty much ALL of the time!

When Jeff and I were young and dating, and then first married, we wanted to be together all the time…spend all of our time together. But as the years have moved on, sort of unbeknownst to each of us, our lives seemed to turn into two separate lives which come together daily, but still we are separate. Jeff has his own life, there at work, doing his “thing”, and I have my own life, here at home doing my own “thing”.

After the first few weeks of Jeff’s recuperation from his surgery we both realized that he was just “here”. He tried to keep busy, but there was only so much he could do with his health limitations, and we both realized that he was sort of “in my space” now. We got a little snippy with each other at times and I was wondering why. Well, it came to me after a grocery shopping trip when Jeff was following me around the store, putting things in the basket and I found it irritating. I was so use to being at the grocery store by myself just sort of taking my time…if I wanted to. So, I brought it up to Jeff and we were able to agree that it wasn’t easy for either of us. Jeff didn’t like “not” having his own space and “being in my space” and I didn’t like having him in mine.

I have heard of couples getting divorced after retirement and wondered why, but I can see that this could be the root cause. I’ve also heard that some couples when they go on LDS missions together, have a really hard time because they are together 24 hours a day. Over time we have melted into our own little world, and it’s hard to “let” somebody back in, especially when we’re older and set in our ways.

After that day of “inspiration”, I guess you could call it; both Jeff and I tried to be more understanding of each other. Jeff started working out in his shop and keeping himself busy on his tractor and doing things he enjoyed doing, which left me, with my quiet house for part of the day, and when he is here we try to stay out of each other’s way.

Maybe we have been able to get this little glimpse into our future so that we can prepare for “someday” down the road when Jeff will retire for good and we will be able to spend “all” our time together. Hopefully we can remember this lesson and be prepared with our own hobbies that can keep us busy and out of each other’s hair. Hopefully we can go forward and continue to respect each other and love each other and when that time comes we will be ready to spend all of our time together and “want” to be together.

For now, Jeff got the go-ahead today from his doctor that he can return to work. His back is healing really well and he can do “most” of the work that he was doing before he left. The surgery seems to be a success because the original back pain is gone. There are still a few pains that he’s probably going to have to get use to, just like all of us, with old age and our health problems, but all in all I believe that he is pleased with the outcome of the surgery.

And for me, I’m glad that I learned a lesson or two also. I’m use to Jeff being here now and I’m going to miss having him around. I imagine it won’t take long for us all to get back into our routines. Hopefully I can remember the things I’ve learned.

I've included a few pictures of things that we enjoy doing together now. Let's hope that we still enjoy these things down the road!

Jeff and I hiked to the Darby Wind Caves about a year and a half ago.
That's a tough one tho.
My knees gave out on the way down.

We have always enjoyed going for drives in the mountains.

We enjoy camping....but....I'm really getting to where it would be best if I had one that had a bathroom in it!!! So, by the time we retire maybe we would have a bigger, nicer camper.

AND OF COURSE SPENDING TIME WITH THE GRANDKIDS: